Relapse does not mean failure
“The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.” ― Roy T. Bennett
When you learn a new skill, for example, when you learn to ride a bike or to dance, to begin with, you are going to fall off that bike and you are going to get some dance steps wrong. Yet as you persist and keep trying, keep falling over and getting back up – slowly but surely, you will get better and better. In time, you will very rarely fall off the bike or very rarely get a dance step wrong (of course it still might happen, we are only human) but most of the time, you ride that bike or dance with ease.
Healing yourself from binge eating or comfort eating is just like learning to ride a bike or to dance. Like any other skill you teach yourself, at the beginning, there may be moments that you struggle, there may be times when you feel uncomfortable. You may even relapse and go back to old ways. Yet the key to achieving full recovery and building new patterns of behaviour, is to pick yourself up and keep trying.
Many people I work with decide one day they will “never ever binge/ comfort-eat again” (very often midst binge or comfort-eating session), then when they have a relapse after a few weeks or a month, think that they have failed (sometimes deciding to give up trying to do anything about their disordered eating patterns). It can often be easier just to relax back into old habits and stop trying to change. Yet there is no getting away from the fact that comfort eating and binge eating can make an individual feel awful (incredibly guilty, uncomfortable and out of control). The psychological torment of binge-eating or comfort eating is not something that anyone should have to deal with or resign themselves to just accepting for life.
It can be easy for someone that has just relapsed to feel like a failure. Yet the fact that they are picking themselves up and trying again actually means the very opposite. A good way instead to judge how much you are improving is by looking at whether the frequency of the binges or comfort-eating has reduced. If you have gone from over-eating 3 times a week to once a week – that is HUGE progress! Also think about whether you have been able to stop yourself in the process of over-eating sooner than you usually would – again, that is a HUGE step in the right direction. You can also measure your success by how much better you felt in the period before you binged or comfort ate – you were in that happy place before and you can go back there again.
In the moments and days after a relapse, you